Directed by Heather Webb.
Record Release Party, art show and dance party! With John Wesley Coleman III and the Sisters Grimmm!
Melissa Bryan record release party/art show/dance party
Obsolete Industries, 1700 E. 12th Street
Free. All ages. Open to the public. BYOB.
The Sisters Grimmm kick it off with a short set at 8:30. Gerard Cosloy and Lori Barbero spin records early in the evening, DJ Sue and KOOP’s Stronger than Dirt host Scott Gardner play the dance jamz after the live music.
After three and a half years of labor as intensive as the Octomum – had she squeezed every last pup out herself (sans epidural) AND while married to Jon Gosselin**, I am finally freaking releasing my first ever solo album, Return of the Woman.
Now that the torture is over, the drinking and whoring begin. I am having a party. Par-TAY, PAR-TAY. Fortunately, Mr. Billy Bishop finally realized the only way he will stop hearing about the money he owes me is if he’d help me throw this here shindig at his Obsolete Industries studio, at 1700 East 12th Street.
We’re gonna eat some h’orderves, which you’re gonna bring. Yep, bring food. Seriously, I’m asking you to bring food to MY par-tay. There might be some beer, but you need to bring more. Hey ho!
As for the art show, I’ve asked a bunch of my musician/artists and artist/photographers who-hang-with-musicians pals to show their work. You will be inspired because they all rule. (If you’d like to participate, please send me a message!)
My close personal friends Lori Barbero and Gerard Cosloy will provide the between the bands jamz and DJ Sue and KOOP’s Scott Gardner will round out the evening with a dance party like no other.
You will provide the good good vibes.
Live music will start around 8PM with Girls Rock Camp superstars The Sisters Grimmm, The sister are Zoe, 12, on bass and Mia, 10, on guitar. After their set, Mia will challenge you to a finger tap-off and Mia will embarrass you. Next, Goner Record’s pistol toting bad boy (and backup singer on 2 songs on Return of the Woman) John Wesley Coleman III, will play with his own band of superstars. The incomparable Terri Lord and Chepo Pena (Sincola uber-rhythm section, for you old folks) and the Diamond Smuggler’s improv anti-hero John Ratliff will accompany me with some extra special guests. You’ll have to wait and see.
I considered registering for my big day at Stockholm-syndrome-survivors-r-us, but after much deliberation I decided to simply be grateful for the good things. Meaning lots of you, my dog, my stacks of self help books and the makers of hydrocodone. That said, if you’d like to fork over for a Breville conical burr coffee grinder, I’d take it happily.
This is a really big deal for me and I hope to see lots of friends out. I’ve even rented a porta-potty. (Trust me, it’s better than Billy’s bathroom.) I’m already praying it’s purple, like the one the CoA has planted in my front yard. (Hey, screw renting, does anyone have a truck?) And with that last bit of temptation, I sincerely hope to see you October 1!!!
**I’ve been informed that the Octomom has nothing to do with John Gosslin, except that they are both cursed with 8 children and there have been rumors of a reality show where they date. If you already knew this, SHAME on you.
I’m excited to play the first Jealous Monday tonight!! It’s with Rocky & Wildcat and my new favorites, Bobby Jealousy at 29th Street Ballroom (2906 Fruth Street). We’ll be collecting non-perishable food for the Capital Area Food Band to help the central Texas fire relief efforts. Their requests:
Water and enhanced water such as Gatorade; ready to eat meals preferably with pull-up, pop tops or foil packets such as chili, stew, canned pasta w/sauce; single serving snacks such as protein or granola bars; single serving foods that do not require refrigeration such as Lunchables; diapers and baby formula.
Also, I’ll have t-shirts!! Proceeds from sales will benefit the Women’s Media Center.
My album comes out in less than three weeks. I wrote a thing from my past self to my present self about being terrified. A little context from Wiki Travel Russia:
Obtaining a Russian visa is a costly, time-consuming, and often frustrating process. Most visitors should start the process at least two months in advance, but it can be done in a few weeks if you are willing to spend a little extra. For citizens of EU-Schengen countries, this will cost €35 and take three days (or even the next day), instead of the usual 4-10 days. There is also a way to get a visa in just a few days, but for citizens of some countries, this will cost a couple hundred dollars.
Remember that time you were sitting on that train and you handed your passport to the cherubic Finnish border Guard and Cherubic Finnish Border Guard raised his eyebrows at you and said “you’re going to Russia…ALONE?” and you said “Yes, why? WHY? TELL ME!” and Cherubic Finnish Border Guard gave you a look like you’d just killed a kitten, shook his head and walked away. Remember that? Remember the quaking quaking quaking in your guts and how you wanted to puke and scream and cry all at the same time?
Remember how your Swedish friends begged you not to go to Russia because nobody goes to Russia and you were going to get kidnapped by the mafia and held for ransom and remember how you spent most of your time in Stockholm sitting in the internet cafe full of Swedish nerds playing Doom even though it was was the beginning of the internet and the internet was as slow as a bread line but you needed to figure how to get into Russia because it wasn’t easy you had to had to have an invitation and a visa and a lot of money and if you call the Russian embassy in Stockholm you better speak Russian or a least a little Swedish and you can only do that on Tuesdays from 2-4 and Fridays from 10-11. Do you remember all that time you spent before you left trying to figure it out you called the Russian embassy in Washington DC but it was like the cold war on the line with all the grunts and the barking and the disparaging tones and your time was tight because the buddy pass the super nice Delta employee you knew from the YMCA gave you was about to expire because you kept waiting for the right opportunity to present itself and waiting and then you just said fuck it, I’m getting on the plane.
Remember how the whole time you were in Stockholm pretty and clean Stockholm the city without grit you were with good friends eating fresh and delicious food you were thinking about Russia and how would you get in there YOU HAD TO DO IT and you were worried because you had even marched into your boss’ offices and told her you were going to be gone for a while and she said you can’t just march in here and say you’re going to be gone that long and you said I am going I hope I have a job when I get back. You didn’t even know where this Russia obsession started but it was probably with the nukes and the hiding under the desks and the USSR and the perestroika which was only like 10 years previous but most likely it started with Olga Korbut in 1976. And you could never be Olga Korbut but goddammit you could go to Russia.
So you decided to sail the high seas on a casino boat over to Helsinki, a city where every young woman looked like you with their short blond hair leather jacket tight pants a place where your guide book said there was a travel agency that would sell you a tourist visa to Russia in an hour the only place in the world you could get such a thing and you don’t know why you didn’t just call them to make sure and you wished you hadn’t spent all that time worrying and sitting in internet cafes because you didn’t trust going all the way to Finland to maybe not get into Russia. But hooray the book was right and the agent was so friendly besides that you met a nice American businessman who lives in St. Petersburg and has to come back to this agency every 6 months to get his visa renewed and he assured you that Russia is very safe and the mafia will only mess with you if you are a business person doing business, like him, and he gave you his card and told you that if you got into trouble you could call him. So you spent the night in a sanitized youth hostel and got up the next morning and went to the orderly Helsinki train station, and despite the quaking you took your clean comfortable seat by the window.
Remember how the scenery changed and maybe if this was a perfect metaphor the change would have been the opposite but things are never perfect and the outside of the train window changed from lush and beautiful and clean and as soon as Cherubic Finnish Border Guard got off the train things became dirty and poor and it looked like maybe a nuclear bomb had gone off. Remember how you felt bad because the decrepitness kinda turned you on and you didn’t realize it yet but you really like to find the beauty in struggle and how you feel so at home in places where people have to fight.
Remember how you stepped out of that train into a crush of a crowd and you’d never seen people so eager to get into a train station and you just wanted to stand and look at the bright blue sky and the leaves falling off the trees and and the strange letters on the signs and all those men who wanted to take you places in their taxis but for once because of the quaking you had arranged to have someone pick you up — someone you found on the internet so who knows she could have been in the mafia but she turned out to be a regular woman who had a job she had to go back to so her teenage daughter’s boyfriend drove you around St. Petersburg in a teeny rusted car while he explained in broken English that there are no rules to the road in Russia which he didn’t really need to tell you because, holy shit are we really gonna drive in the middle of the oncoming traffic, and when you saw the Church of the Savior on Spilled Blood it was the most amazing thing you’d ever seen, sticking out like a technicolor lollipop among shoeboxes and he said “eh, that’s not much.”
Remember how you went immediately to the cafe your guide book said the expats hung out in and when they brought your food they also brought a shot glass of clear liquid and you were convinced it was poison because you know Russia is very dangerous and you only drank half of it because you didn’t want to get drunk and lose your mind besides that the poison even though the women in the fur coats and the perfectly fluffy hair and manicured nails were drinking the poison but they were probably mafia women and mafia women are immune to poison until they’re not.
And then you finally took a gulp of air and interrupted a couple with notebooks who were speaking the Queen’s English and you asked the woman is it safe here and she laughed and said oh my gosh yes, don’t worry, I was scared at first too, but I feel safer here than I do in London, I even walk around at all hours of the night, just be smart.
You knew you had to do it, so you went out and wandered Nevsky Prospekt alone and felt the cold air on your face and when a smiling woman approached you asking a friendly question in Russian, suddenly it was as if someone took the Kremlin off your back. So you mastered the strange letters and made new friends who were instant soul mates and ate blinis and kabobs from the street and guzzled Baltika and the vodka was no longer poisonous and you looked unsuccessfully for record stores and tourist information in English and you took 20 minute taxi rides for 4 dollars and and accidentally ate at Subway which you only realized when you recognized the yellow wallpaper but oh my god you were so hungry and you went to the countryside and the castle Peterhof on a Marshrut decorated with pompoms and fringe blasting crazy music and ate your weight in pickled carrots and you even tried to go to a ballet and you hitchhiked your way across the city with the Russian guy and went to a neon filled dance club with women in spandex dresses and men in polyester suits and gold chains and you stood overwhelmed in the Hermitage where the sun shone on the Picassos and despite the daunting hugeness and the grey clad school children darting about and the dirt and the piles of concrete in the corners and the peeling paint it was just so so so goddamn beautiful and even though you weren’t supposed to you touched the mosaics inside the technicolor lollipop church like you’d never touched anything before and gasped in awe at the colored spirals against the blue sky and you got that grand feeling of love in your gut like you might explode you though eh, that’s not much, MY ASS.
And so Melissa, if you could just remember how determined you were and how hard you worked and how fucking scary it was and how St. Petersburg became the best place you’d ever been and now you know there were so many more places yet to see and so much more greatness yet to come, I think that would help you a lot right now.
Tonight at Beerland, 711 Red River, Austin, Tejas.
This was my CD insert. This weekend I’ll finish my LP insert. Lots of copying and cutting and pasting. Old school style. Not really into things that look too designed.
September 1 I’m playing at Beerland.
Official record release date is autumn. Yep, autumn, when the leaves change colors and the outside stops feeling like a furnace and hurting my eyeballs.
October 1 is my official record release party and art show at my friend Billy Bishop’s studio, Obsolete Industries. John Wesley Coleman is also playing. I wanted to do something at a studio, not a club. I hope you will come.
My next show is Wednesday, May 4 at Red 7 (611 E. 7th Street)!
I’m a big fan of communist kitch and I think if I had a rock club, it’d look a little like Red 7, but with communist style sparkling clean bathrooms!
If I had a cosmonaut uni, I’d totally wear it at this show. I took this picture in Prague before I got run out of the store for taking pictures!
The show starts at 9 with Corporate Elvis and Inverse Medusa. I play at 10:30. Best of all (for you) it’s free for 21+.
See ya there!
Welcome to my new web page. Thanks for stopping by.
SXSW is upon us. I was downtown earlier at an event sponsored by PepsiCo at the CNN Grill. FedEx was next door giving out free lunch in exchange for a like on facebook or a follow on twitter. Times they have a changed. Despite the rampant branding and consumerism and full on selling out, there’s still some real and great music going on all over. I’m honored to be playing a couple of badass shows. Here’s the scoop:
Wednesday, March 16
My favorite vegan trailer is having a party! Bands & Corndogs at Counter Culture!
Counter Culture – 120 East North Loop / Ave F
- Noon- Melissa Bryan, boisterous power pop (austin)
- 12:45- John Welsey Coleman, retarded angel extraodinaire (austin)
- 1:30- Pinche Gringo, one mand band (north carolina)
- 2:15- Beware the Dangers of a Ghost Scorpion (boston)
- 3:00- The Really Rottens, Surf Trash au-go-go (austin)
- 3:45- Peasant, dada trance noise (austin)
- 4:30- The Nouns, rock’n'roll (austin)
- 5:15- Guadalupe Plata, trashy alt blues (andalucia)
- 6:00- The Types, garage rock (moscow)
- 6:45- JWW & the Prospectors, western swing (austin)
Friday, March 18
Girls Rock Camp Austin and Bitch Media SXSW Day Party
Italo’s, 1600 E Sixth Street, Austin, TX
Bitch Media and Girls Rock Camp Austin are teaming up for an awesome, free, and all-ages day party at SXSW!
Born In Flames Tour Artists Jean Grae, Invincible, and Tamar Kali will share the bill with critically acclaimed indie rocker THAO. All are encouraged to attend this fun-filled day of live music performed by fearless female musicians. Oh, and the Bangles will sign a guitar to be raffled off at the show!
Support two great organizations while enjoying an amazing lineup of….
- 6:00 JEAN GRAE
- 5:15 INVINCIBLE
- 4:30 GO CHIC
- 3:45 THAO
- 3:00 TAMAR-KALI
- 2:20 LAS ROBERTAS
- 1:40 MELISSA BRYAN
- 1:00 CHARLIE BELLE
Girls Rock Austin is proud to organize Girls Rock Camp Austin, the only nonprofit campin Austin where accomplished women musicians teach girls at all skill levels—fromabsolute beginners to rock-n-roll prodigies—in an all-female learning environment. See girlsrockcampaustin.org for more info about Summer 2011 camps.
Bitch Media: Founded in 1996, Bitch Media is a Portland, OR-based nonprofit, reader-supported501(c)(3) multimedia organization whose mission is to provide and encourage an empowered,feminist response to mainstream media and popular culture. Bitch’ s most well-known programis the magazine Bitch: Feminist Response to Pop Culture, and the organization’s other programsinclude the blog and podcasts at bitchmedia.org.